This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
