oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
