I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
