you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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