they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
