Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize