Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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