Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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