So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
