she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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