I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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