3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
