he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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