yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
