it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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