Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
