im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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