Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
