I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
