you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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