Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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