wanna go halves on a baby?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
