Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
