you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
