Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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