he fucked my hip out of place.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
