I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
