I cannot find my penis.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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