I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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