I haven't been this sober since birth.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
