i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
