i wish my penis had a tongue
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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