he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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