so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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