she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
