I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
