i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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