it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
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Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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