is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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