I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
