your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
