dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
