I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
