We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
