Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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