i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
