The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
