1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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