Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
