How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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