he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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