First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
