It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
