i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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