You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
