you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
