I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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