Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
