Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
