I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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