shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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