i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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