so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
