So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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