I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
