And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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