I wish I could teleport
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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