She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
