All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize