just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
