just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
