Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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