I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
