evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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