I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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