I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
