come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
