Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
